Rape..

What makes a man rape a girl...
What makes a man pound a 4 year old a 60 year old again and again till the light of life goes out from her eyes...
what makes a man do this to his own daughter sister cousin mom ....!!

how can it be provocative dress... wat provocations can a 60 year old give...
how can it be urge to reproduce..wat chance does a 4 year old have for it...

it can olny be a sickness of the mind....
one tru which nature has selected human kind to become extinct...

wats the cure..!! education..awareness..laws...culture..wat can save us ...from ourselves....

i can understand the cal of the dick..i too have one...
i can understand the feel to dominate over a person...
but this is madness... this is pure madness...

i am not feeling anger..or hurt..or anguish...
just the numbness when hope is lost...
just that...

Pagans and us....

What changed in the world with the invent of Christianity and Islam....

Till then men believed in living..
They ate till their could not eat any more
had sex with who ever they could
slept where ever they wanted
the motto of life was to live life and live it to the fullest
or even that which u can do do :)

Now its all about control and abstinence
U must eat only that which u need to survive
Sex !! i am not even gonna talk about it ...
U quit it all ..smoking drinking drugs...y ? cause its all bad :D

hmm....
the very same way people now cant believe tat once water..pure water was available free of cost all around ...
people will never believe if any one told them that man was free once..
free to live and die by his hearts yearnings...
free to live and die by the sweat on his brow and blood in his veins.

I may not be able to change the world... but i sure as hell can decide who i am...
my actions may not echo in eternity
still i wll remain free.. in my heart :)

Inspirations from books

1. Weaving in and out froma  dream

Craziness list

1. For a month each believe in and follow one of the major religions...
   1. Christianity
   2. Hinduism
   3.Islam
   4. Budhism
   5.Jainism

Main point being believe in :)

peace...

Best way to find peace is by living life accepting death as the final frontier...
by seeing it not as a distant reality which will happen one fine day or as a thing that will liberte u from all ur sufferings or deliver u to the blessed land...
See death as what it is and ur life shifts into perspective,..:)

there will b fights u will wish u didnt have..
things u wish u had stood up and fought for...
words to say..
thoings to do...

before u . ur identity vanishes from existance for ever...
live :)
pointless as it is our life is all we get :)

Peace...

You find peace when u are least expecting it..
when u forget that u are looking for it :)

Soo many things are becoming clearer for me now...
on my way to find peace i guess...

Still in no shape no have a kid though :)


--
Achu

feels good..:)

feels good to b in love...:)
feels good to not have to fake
feels good to not have to worry if she faking...
feels good to knw i am not alone
feels good to know i am being missed...
feels good to know i am in love and some one is in love wit me :)
feels good to be married :)

Why did all my mighty ancestors fall when attacked by Muslims...
Why did all my mighty Muslim ancestors fall when attacked by a company...
Why was I left at the withering end of a million year old civilization where both my ancestral lines are decaying....
Why was it that I am born as a generation rules by fat burger eating sloths....

I nature selecting human race for extinction...
Selecting the back stabbing traitors and the sneaky bastards who switched the sides at first sign of trouble...

Oh how proud I would have been of my ancestors if all my Hindu ones had DIED fighting the Muslim invaders...
or all my Hindu and Muslim ones had died fighting what came after....

I am the progeny of those who choose to survive...
My ancestor is of either a back stabber or a slimy sloth who chose life over dignity..

Do i have it in me to live in accordance with what my ancestors failed to live to or rather die to...
Or will I be just another one with out a  spine....

There is a level of insanity in me that needs some level of distractions to keep it from destroying me...
distractions can b anything..cigarette,booze,drugs,sex,love,friendships,trips,rain,books,analysing people....
i guess at some level i am broken
:D:D

They just keep on going round and round in my head...
my thoughts....
i think of dying...of killing
thoughts of lust of love...
thoughts that are utterly meaningless...
thoughts that are amazing...
i think of a life that can be amazing..and also about the pointlessness of it alll
i think of a god that could have been awesome..but who remains as just a could have been...

cigarettes..drinks...music..travel..arties...all help me nt think...
they help me be sane...by my own definition:)

Bored.....

What makes us tick..

What is it that makes us tick...
u know..
what is it that makes us wake up in morning,burch our teeth,eat food..
what is it that makes us hum songs..dance,,cry...

what is it that makes us all do it and still be seperate individuals...

and what is it that goes away when a person dies...

My imagine...

Imagine u only have an hour to live...
Imagine what all things u will want to do then...
The places u want to see..
The food items u wanna eat...

The people u will want to meet...
The fights u will want to end...
The little things u will wanna tell all those around u...

The air u breath in...
The smile of a kid near u ....
ur  friends family colegues...
even the coffee from the horrible vendor machine in office...

you will look at it all differently...
very differently....

If u think u will not then better die cause u are already dead....:)

and right now if u ask me..all i wld want to change is to make her be here with me...:)

Tum abhi bhi use bohat pyar karte ho na....

Makri..:)

there is something good about the whole of disorder in it...

imagination...

What is the one thing that differentiates us from animals or plants...
its not love,compassion,fear..
its not the great opposing thumb...
its our imagination...
that with which we can create that which is not...

our religions..hell heaven god all can only be creations of our imagination with which we needed a higher purpose for our existence...
i some how feel this sens of ours this ability of ours too create that which is not there will in the end be the reason for our  destruction...
funny how i  can imagine what i may imagine :)

but even imagination has limitations...
we cant imagine a color we have never seen or a sound we have never heard...
so i guess even our so called sixth sense has limitations...
so may b may b we still have hope...that we may survive it..:)

Meri itni kareeb mat ao me tume barbad kardungi...
wat dialogue...:)

When did we become soo meek souls..
We who wrote kamsutra
We who had topless bars before anyone else..
We who was proud of our sensuality..
We who built monuments for it....
When did we become soo meek that ....

hmm..:)
What am i.. an indian or a muslim...
I am not saying they are mutually exclusive...
I am just thinking how contrasting the cultures are ...

hmm..:)

Why is it wrong to lust for some one..:D:D
Why is it that we think 'mamsa nibadhamalla nuragam..."
Why did our society have to decay soo much....

The social decay i am talking of is the one where a girl goind nude is called prepostorous...:D on contrary to the usual thing that the girl going nude is the decay...

hmm...:)
y am i hmming soo much today :D:D

rahi30384foru.blogspot.in

http://rahi30384foru.blogspot.in/2012/07/9-arguments-against-choice-marraige-and.html

You cannot force your children, or your siblings or anybody else to get married to people whom you think is good.

Same goes in opposite direction; you cannot force your parents to accept who ever chooses. If they are not comfortable with your choice then you must also be ready to accept that and choose if the relationship is still worth it.

How can they live happily if their very basic freedom in choice of lifelong mate is taken away from them?

How about taking away the basic freedom of being part of such a big decision . 25

 Year of dreams…hopes ..savings…and if u cant show the courtesy to atleast talk to em before eloping….!!!

They waited for the parents to do something.

The worst fear when we are about to ask for something is the fear of rejection…u frgot the whole set of moments before one finally proposes !! we still get to propose cause we know for sure that the other person is worth it..we still go ahead because we have some hope that they will not slap us in the face…

And we expect our parent to go to some strangers parents not sure wat kind of a welcome to expect..not sure wat kind of people they are..!!! I would always say never drag the parents into all of this.. it was your choice..your decision..soo don’t stand back and tell ur parents to take care of it..u talk to ur parents.. u talk to her parents.. u talk to the whole uncle aunty neighbours neighbor lot.. cause u knw its worth it cause it is ur choice and hence it is ur responsibility.

Now u must be wanting to scream at me ..wanting to tell me ..”Achu !! WTF u married the girl u loved that too inter religion and all that crap..” and my answer will be..”ofcourse I did..but I never forced my parents or her parents to accept us.. we told them our choice..and gave them time to make their choice if they want to be part of our choice…

Its easy to be 25 and judging people who are 60 dear…we don’t give a fck abt the society cause we don’t have to..we are not living in kerala..we are independent … not them…they are old … they don’t have us around .. they only have the so called society.. they know death is around the corner… the courage that one had withers away….

I always tell myself…They are our parents..who am I to judge them..I will be with them love em to my best and hope they are happy..… they deserve it J

My lead is here…

I wld love to have a long talk with you on this some time…

J

Ustad hotel...

Kure chirichu...idakku eppolo a lil bit of tears...made me dream made me think made me fall in love again....
now that i shld then say was an amazing movie na...:)
entho didnt feel like posting this in facebook this time.. felt that will be violating some thing soo....

music rules me..
my emotions sooo well hidden from are creeping back...
feels good to be alive...

m singing to myself a  loot now a days..
smiling a looot..
not frustrated...
not pissed off...
just happy...:)

imagine...

what difference dows it make if its rottten..not coked..not having salt...
what difference does it make if shes fat skinny tall short white black...
what difference does it make if its gt a wide tyre, better sounding engine, better grill...
what difference does it make if its a 1 bhk or a 100 bhk..
spinal cord support..fluffy..soft..hard...
high definition..low definition..dolby..digital..analogue....

in the end of the day we are all prisoners of our senses..our brain...
thats all we will ever know..
that which our senses choose to tell us and the way our brain chooses to tell us it it...

is this what makes the pshychipaths and the rishies who they are...
cause they found its all the same and its all nonsense..

what was today will not be tomorrow..
we are all changing...

each day we are loosing soo many cells, cells that was part of who u are...
noone mourns them...
then y mourn one day when its just all of thecells that go  away...

I still dont need a hell or heaven to live..
I still dont get whats the point in living thought..
but heaven and hell can never be...

one life to please a god who kicked us out cause we ate an apple which he fcking created and fcking out ina place accessible to us and then he fcking created the hunger by telling not to have...
naaah...that definitely is not the answer..

and abt being born as a donkey in my next life fr my this lifes sins...seriously !!!
what diffference cn ait make unless i can remember that i was me in my last birth...
hmmm...:)


imagine thers no heaven...:)
its easy if you try...
no hell below us...
above us only sky...
imagine all the people living for today...:)

you may say i am a dreamer..
but i am not the only one...
i hope some day you will join us...
and the world will be one....

title illathe post illenkil enthonnu jeevitham anu nammude...
kalikkenda role polum ariyathe..
veruthe...
oru neram pokku...
allandu enthu

80k..tats wat i am earning a month..bonus vere..for testing case process :D:D stylan jeevitham.
if my life were moments..flashes that I will c when i die...enthokke ayirikkum...

nan verukkunna nimishangal..bhayakkkunna..santhoshikkunna nimishangal..karayunna nimishangal...
enthonnu mairu..
oru piinakkum undavilla..

chilappo thonnum ellam vendannu vechu evideyelum poyi ...
pinneyum cigarette theernnu...
athillathe niyanthranam budhimuttanu...
soo control vidunnilla...:)

class...

manu mohan andrews..strange hw he still haunts me :)
naah never once regretted hitting him...i will still do it given a second chance in life :)

class difference...
athoru sathyam anu...
Men are not born equal....
:) mood poyi to write soo ;)

having a kid....

Will i ever b ready to have a kid,,,,
yeah i knw hw to handle a baby...
yeah i knw i will b patient tru the entire cry fest...
yeha i knw hw to protect and still nt inhibit the growth ...
yeha i knw i can...
i also knw tats nt waht i want now....
Wat i want nw is time for myself...
Time to do all the things i never have done..
Time to travel...
Time to grow
Time to figure out who i am...
Time to expand who i am...
a kid....!!
a kid some how seems like a fullstop for me...
and i am nt gonna put tat one on my life on my own....
not now...
not for another 5 years atleast may b
i hope so....
I seriously to god hope so...
hmm...
even then will i ever  need a  kid  in my life.
ariyilla...
hmm....
pandarams...

tujhe chheen loon ya chhod doon.... tujhe maang loon ya mod doon..story of my life..

meri bebasi ka bayaan hai
bas chal raha na is ghadi..
ras hasrat ka nichod doon
kas baahon mein aa tod doon
chahoon kya jaanoon na, 
chheen loon,
chood doon
is lamhe kya kar jaaoon
is lamhe kya kar jaaoon
is lamhe kya kar doon main jo mujhe chain mile aaram mile
aur ho aur ho saans ka shor ho aanch ki or badhe
aur ho aur ho saans ka shor ho taap ki or chadhe
aur ho aur ho aur mile hum aur bhi jal jaayen
tujhe pehli baar main milta hoon, har dafa
meri bebasi ka bayaan hai (O soniyaa)
tujhe chheen loon ya chhod doon
tujhe maang loon ya mod doon
is lamhe kya kar jaaoon
is lamhe kya kar doon main jo mujhe chain mile aaram mile
aur ho aur ho saans ka shor ho aanch ki or badhe
aur ho aur ho saans ka shor ho taap ki or chadhe
aur ho aur ho aur mile hum aur bhi jal jaayen
main hasrat mein ik uljhi dor hua
suljha de
main dastak hoon tu band kivadon sa
khul ja re ho..
o bebasi man mein basi
aa jeete jeete jee le sapna
aur ho aur ho saans ka shor ho aanch ki or badhe
aur ho aur ho aur mile hum aur bhi jal jaayen
roke se na ruke, ye na thake,
aandhi si jo chale, in saanson ki,
pata bhi bina chale, kahan pe kya jale
hai dar se tan man ki sihran se hasrat ki sulgan si
bhadke aur..
shola shola jale bujhe dhuan dhuan
dhuan dhuan lage mujhe dhuan dhuan..
meri bebasi ka bayaan hai...

smoke...

a loot of my posts are about smoking....:)
what started as a curiosity thing...
what stayed with me as something i knew could hurt veena...
has become suuch an integral part of my life....
smoking is like my own personal space...my own my own...
i dont have to tell the cig to hurry up i dont have to .pretend that i care abt it i dnt have to pretend i dont care abt it
i dont have to worry wat it thinks abt me ...
i dont have to anything....
i just have to light it and there it is at my tip waiting for me :)
amazing how such a small thing can mean soo much to me :)

One reason y we all love campus movies.. even ones with  mention of a certain podimeesha and undakanni is cause wat we had in college was not at all perfect..
College was nt just about making friends
or having fun...
:) when we watch these movies they help us in some ways to feel something which we had enviosoned in our minds...
they gives us colsure :)

I miss

I miss those evenings when i used to sit curled up in a corner ...
i miss those moments when i could feel my heart crunching...
I miss those evenings when my friends deserted me and i felt all was lost...
Now i am stronger yet I miss the innocence that made me feel..
Even now i love people bt the i nolonger give people ability to hurt me...
I miss tat...
not sure if i am ready for it.. just tat i miss it

:)

Its strange that i am limited by words defined by people who didn't know me to express my emotions my feelings my relations..
its making me feel there is no real creativity in writing...just .....
unless there is something like abstract writing where only the person who wrote it understands it..where the writer is not limited by the interpretations of the words....
fuck i am stuck....writing cant b the only way for me to express who i am....

facebook
skype
gtalk....
what all we will do to b not alone...
when will we learn to accept the solitude..
great things were never achieved by crouds..but by people who worked alone...

Ayn rand....

atlas shrugged moved me in was fountainhead didn't...
may b the fact tat i am coming out from the comfort zone created by facebook that my life is happening and i am surrounded by friends added to it...
any which ways i am glad i chose to wait soo long before reading it :)

enikku vattanu

ille y do i think soo much
y are my feelings sooo intense
never were my feelings forever...
bt when i feel them its.....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............
seriously vattanu enikku

Death...

death of people now thats one certainty i have come to terms with...people die...each day each moment...fathers mothers sisters brothers friends wives husbands kids classmates colleagues complete strangers all die by the bunch every moment...
death of relationships how ever haunt me....how it can b tat one time a person meant everything to u and then one fine day its all just memeories....
bt tats also a fact i guess from wat i have seen around me there are no relns tat survive fr ever...
:(
now need to figure out a way to accept that