having a kid....

Will i ever b ready to have a kid,,,,
yeah i knw hw to handle a baby...
yeah i knw i will b patient tru the entire cry fest...
yeha i knw hw to protect and still nt inhibit the growth ...
yeha i knw i can...
i also knw tats nt waht i want now....
Wat i want nw is time for myself...
Time to do all the things i never have done..
Time to travel...
Time to grow
Time to figure out who i am...
Time to expand who i am...
a kid....!!
a kid some how seems like a fullstop for me...
and i am nt gonna put tat one on my life on my own....
not now...
not for another 5 years atleast may b
i hope so....
I seriously to god hope so...
hmm...
even then will i ever  need a  kid  in my life.
ariyilla...
hmm....
pandarams...

tujhe chheen loon ya chhod doon.... tujhe maang loon ya mod doon..story of my life..

meri bebasi ka bayaan hai
bas chal raha na is ghadi..
ras hasrat ka nichod doon
kas baahon mein aa tod doon
chahoon kya jaanoon na, 
chheen loon,
chood doon
is lamhe kya kar jaaoon
is lamhe kya kar jaaoon
is lamhe kya kar doon main jo mujhe chain mile aaram mile
aur ho aur ho saans ka shor ho aanch ki or badhe
aur ho aur ho saans ka shor ho taap ki or chadhe
aur ho aur ho aur mile hum aur bhi jal jaayen
tujhe pehli baar main milta hoon, har dafa
meri bebasi ka bayaan hai (O soniyaa)
tujhe chheen loon ya chhod doon
tujhe maang loon ya mod doon
is lamhe kya kar jaaoon
is lamhe kya kar doon main jo mujhe chain mile aaram mile
aur ho aur ho saans ka shor ho aanch ki or badhe
aur ho aur ho saans ka shor ho taap ki or chadhe
aur ho aur ho aur mile hum aur bhi jal jaayen
main hasrat mein ik uljhi dor hua
suljha de
main dastak hoon tu band kivadon sa
khul ja re ho..
o bebasi man mein basi
aa jeete jeete jee le sapna
aur ho aur ho saans ka shor ho aanch ki or badhe
aur ho aur ho aur mile hum aur bhi jal jaayen
roke se na ruke, ye na thake,
aandhi si jo chale, in saanson ki,
pata bhi bina chale, kahan pe kya jale
hai dar se tan man ki sihran se hasrat ki sulgan si
bhadke aur..
shola shola jale bujhe dhuan dhuan
dhuan dhuan lage mujhe dhuan dhuan..
meri bebasi ka bayaan hai...

smoke...

a loot of my posts are about smoking....:)
what started as a curiosity thing...
what stayed with me as something i knew could hurt veena...
has become suuch an integral part of my life....
smoking is like my own personal space...my own my own...
i dont have to tell the cig to hurry up i dont have to .pretend that i care abt it i dnt have to pretend i dont care abt it
i dont have to worry wat it thinks abt me ...
i dont have to anything....
i just have to light it and there it is at my tip waiting for me :)
amazing how such a small thing can mean soo much to me :)