spanglish...

Against my instincts and my gut feeling i watched the movie....
it moved and scared and made fun of me ....

moved... cause it pictured human emotions in most basic form which i find my self incapable of doing...
made fun of cause it was story of people with an identity ..people who cling on to what they are... my case forget clinging on i am not even sure i know what i am...
scared..cause it showed how marriages can drift apart...ven when u love ur partner...

the one ;line that caught my attention most was...." i lived fr myself u lived fr ur daughter..both didn't work..."
knowing my dad i knew living fr ones kids doesn't work... knowing me i was hoping living fr one will work..
now i am nt soo sure..
hmm...

good night i guess...

lack of entries only implies lack of access to you when i need you most.. need to get a cell that has better multi media capabilities:)


---
Achu

argh...

life at times is frustrating for no reason whats so ever...
i know easy way outs from this..
follow a religion completely
follow the rules set by the society completely...

but i am incapable to do it...
i really am....
the more i feel the restrictions the more rebellious i become...'

enthakumo entho...
i dont evewn know wat fck i am frustrated abt now...
hmm...
fck shit,.....

Anwar..

Anwar...yet to watch the movie..
But liked it...
Felt good tat th film indistruy in my state is comin back..
and the girl looked gorgeous in the dres...
made me realise tat at some level i still have the muslim taste ;)

Manas

A 1200 km ride in 2 nights... 

a 300 km detour just cause we were 20 minutes late to reach the check post..

3 wild elephant sightings..a 100 km dense fog ride followed by a 50 km awesome rain ride..

sighting school children in their uniform at a forest still carrying their school bags at night 2 o clock...

a car that looks like it has just been through a dirt ralley...Well It was not just another week end :)

And i am glad I gt married to a the girl who will not put up a face when i did all this to b with my friend.. who in fact was right next to me through all this :)

and kit.. and Manas...

I am glad i met them..

:)

:)

No matter how pointless our existence may seem... or is...
its a beautiful world out there...
With wonderful people...with wonderful places....
and we can make it even more better...

remember this ... it may be a pointless existence
all rotting organic matter...
but nothing or no one can take away the feeling of exuberance that one get when one is living a truly fulfilling life...
not clouded by the things that could have been.. or by the things that should never have been..

:)
Spread a smile...
may be one day the smile will come back to you.

,,,

I dont know more than half of my class mates...
most of them dont know me too...
My collegues....
My friends..
My family...

What is it that makes me me...
is it any or all of these...
Am i also one of those eager to please...
Is my individuality act nothin but a effort to fit in...

Planniung to geta bullet...a single seater one too...
for my journeys which i know are far from over...

Not in search of tits to forget myself...
but in search of all thats mine which is scattered around the world..
Which i am yet to discover..

its cheesy i know but just felt like posting this link here..
ma next dream... http://www.royalenfield.com/images//downloads/feb10/1024x768.jpg

.....

The world around me as i know it is sleeping...
Tomorrow they all will wake up..
cursing their bosses, schools, colleges,..going on with the activities that they have summed up as life...

People my age have started talkin like they are retired or dead....
about getting houses, about having kids.. about a zillion things other than what i will call life...

Now when i say life i am yet to decide who i will be living my life as...
if its going to be as me the Indian or me the Muslim or me the software engineer or me the revolutionary or me the insect or me the me....
Not sure...

All i know is every second of my life is deliberate.. its chosen by me....
it is definitely a function of the choices i have still i make the choice..

My amserdam, my outlander, my range rover, my lancer evo... my horse riding my para gliding...
I will do each of those things unless my life gets snatched away from me...
and even if i die...
i know i am nt going to an eternal life,,
i know each and every fragment of me will still be in this world..... living...nt limited what a single human existence can achieve..not limited by my own imagination...nt limited by anything..

Cause as i always say..
its ur life if u dont live it who else will...

:)

--Achu

Jatatavigalajjala pravahapavitasthale
Galeavalambya lambitam bhujangatungamalikam
Damad damad damad damad ninadavadamarvayam
Chakara chandtandavam tanotu nah shivah shivam

Why the flys fuck does it matter....

What is it that haunts me...

Why is it that i still get sleepless nights

Why is it that a cigarette talks to me better than any friend of mine does..

Why is it that whisky calls to me....

Why do I have to write down my thoughts here ...

Why do I have to know who I am...

Why do I have to know the consequences of my actions..

Why do i have to know if my thoughts are good or evil..

What flys fuck difference will it make...

Even if it does make a huge difference..

Lets say the future of the world depends on a;; of those things…

Is it worth it..

No fucking way…

If the world ends in a blink.. So be it...

Blink..

Shit we are all still here....

nah I am not against life or relations or values..

Just that at times i feel its sooo over valued...

Its all become soo fragile...

People who are afraid to question their very basic believes ..what future can await them...

People who cling on to their pa..what glories of future wil welcome them !

I pity those around me who

need the familiarity of places around them to breath..

For whom the very thought of change radical or minute is as pain full as the shrieking sound of steel on rock...

 I pity those people who need to believe that they and their family are basically good...

Who are afraid to test themselves...

Only those who have come victorious in the great agnipareeksha of our own self has the right to live..

rest all must perish..

rest all are just meant to be manure.

....

Well interview was shit...
Was tellin all i had told u so .. and that i always pick it up in the second interview ..
Was tellin myself how i never fail if i set my mind into it...

Tats when it clicked...
I never fail cause i only try to achieve whats possible to me.. I never streatch my abilities.. I never push the limits.. With out pushing them if i am in my confort zone i will definitely pass.. tat just shows how small my dreams are not how talented I am...

:)
Speakin of which just a thought that popped in...
When u say bein true to myself does it mean bein true to my instincts or to my brain...
just a thought...

....

hate t that i need to have  a title for each of my entries.. :)

the power of himan mind that is rhe only reason why death intrigues me...if only i could know that the trees the animals the dust the air around me could also think and choose to b free then it would be soomuch more easy to embrace death :) if only i could know that they too can choose, choose their actions even against what is good for them or what they want.. i could easily die and start my existence as a million other stuff... if only...

ithippo the only way in which i knw to be able to choose is to be a man..and that is the only glory i could figure out in the otherwise meaning less existance that we all so desperately cling on to..

back in bangalore... feels good.. feels like home..
i knw the moments my parents cease to live i will nolonger have any desire to go back to lerala.. nt that I dont love the place. just that its bests visited as a tourist in an ac bus :)

restarting my job hunt..lets c :)

yet another begining...

well i am back from the days when i reguarded people who wrote blogs as desperate people who wanted some one to really know who they are...
I am back from the i dont give a shit we are all organic shit mode...
just trying to capture the screams that i silence...
at times cause i am afraid who i will hurt..
at times cause i am afraid who will leave me..
at times cause its my scream.. just my scream and i dont want to share it with any one.. nt even the air i breath.. :)

venu maricha divasam thanee thudangam ennu vicharichu ...